Advice from kids -- learned the hard way, no doubt

• Never trust a dog to watch your food. Patrick, age 10
• When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. Heather, 16
• Never tell your mom her diet's not working. Michael, 14
• Stay away from prunes. Randy, 9
• When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. Taylia, 11
• Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. Traci, 14
• Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers. Mitchell, 12
• Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. Andrew, 9
• Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. Kyoyo, 9
• You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Armir, 9
• Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. Kellie, 11
• If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. Naomi,15
• Markers are not good as lipstick. Lauren, 9
• Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. Joel, 10

A few reasons why we love Technical Support

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and  his is working fine."

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: "I don't have a 'P'." Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "What do you mean?" Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the Internet onto this disk for me?"

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Yeah." Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon." Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons." Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to-" Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons." Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a filing cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?" Customer: [click]

Customer: "My computer crashed!" Tech Support: "It crashed?" Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot." Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed." Tech Support: "Huh?" Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work." Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges.  I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech support number, complaining about the error message: "Can't find the printer." On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.

And another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained that the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when we asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide. Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'" Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"

This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message Every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and password in capital letters. Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters." Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

Email from a friend: "CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?"

My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations  with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over 20 minutes ago!"

After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance...  Technician: Hello. How can I help you today? Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer...     Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply... Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files... Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it... Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command... For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded... Technician: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem...   Customer: I knew it!  Technician: Just add the line "LOAD NOSMOKE.COM" at the end of the CONFIG.SYS file and everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes...   About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer...    Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking... Technician: Well, what version of DOS are you using? Customer: MS-DOS 6.22... Technician: Well, that's your problem. That version of DOS doesn't include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out... When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again... Customer: I need a new power supply... Technician: How did you come to that conclusion? Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply... Technician: What did he tell you? Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE...

 

Shaadi vs barbadi...
that is the Q

Man comes home and says to his missus...........

Honey," said a husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess,I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married!"

E-mail

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him, then a test: clean the floor. "You are engaged" he said, give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill, as well as when you will start. The man replied " I don't have a computer, neither an email" I'm sorry, said the HR manager, if you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job.

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10 Kg  tomato crate.

He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, He succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubles or triples every day. Shortly later, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. Five years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and choose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "you don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire.

Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, " Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story:

M1- Internet is not the solution to your life.

M2- If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

M3- If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an
office boy, rather than a millionaire... Have a great day,

P.S : Do not send this to me in an email, I am going to sell tomatoes.!